Editor’s Note: June 2018

June 2018

By Amir Bagheri

I was sitting right in front of her, at one of my favourite family restaurants in the heart of Johannesburg. A few days prior to that day, I had found out about her infidelity and had confronted her about it.

I did not mean to hurt her by informing her about my awareness of the matter. I just wanted to put an end to, what I had assumed was, a great relationship before it turned any more hurtful.

I chose my words carefully. I controlled my racing emotions, just fine enough, to get through what was already a tough conversation. She cried. She called herself names that I would have never dared to use. She asked for forgiveness, and I told her not to be silly. I did not see myself in a superior position to have the audacity to think she had done something wrong and now I have to forgive her. I dried her tears, picked her up, and told her that things will be okay again.

Of course, I was hurt. But the pain was so numbing that I had forgotten how to react, and my only response was to pretend to be the stronger, more matured one. I never choose my battles correctly, but I still prefer to see my ships sink than the sanity of those I love.

She asked me to give us a second chance. Two weeks, and if things didn’t get back to normal, then we will say farewell for good. Of course, I didn’t last that long. After a week, I texted her and told her to meet me at my favourite family restaurant.

There it was. We had one final talk. I remember being dead inside, but I just wanted the closure I thought I deserved.

“Do you feel guilty?” I asked.

“Guilt is a wasted emotion…” she responded.

***

I took my walls down

For you to take its wrecked bricks –

So you can build your own wall

***

In this issue:

Poetry:

The Gut – Shameelah Khan

Evoking Melodies – Amir Bagheri