contrary

A Poem

By Sarah Leck

i know what you see
this image of me
has been crafted to reflect who i want to be
hours of poring over Instagram models
Googling the “right” outfits to wear
i’m afraid all you see is really
a mannequin
i’d make excuses for my absence of being
while being right next to you:
“my heart is on vacation” or
“i’m tired of sleeping in the office just so
i have enough tape and pins to piece myself together”
in truth,
we haven’t spoken
i don’t know where it’s gone.
so tell me what you want from me,
take it, what you want from me
this confidence is a charade
(sometimes for you, but more for me)
these fingers for strumming, not touching
these arms for warding, not holding
this easy smile for hiding, not charming
i know what you see
it’s not me