My body still remembers

A Poem

By Anonymous Mus

I worry about the day my body will FINALLY scream.

The whole world will know the pain it folded into silence for years.

The whispers that put its voice in a coma.

“His family, you can’t lay charges on him.” 

“You are too young to understand what happened to you.” 

“How do you remember something that happened so long ago?”

My mind may have not known what my body was being put through.

My body remembers the trauma— vividly.

My nose still remembers the day his fragrance crossed the line.

Followed by his body over my tiny self.

“You can’t tell anyone. It’s our little secret.”

Another silencing whisper. One that that filled me with fear and shame.

I lost my hymen. I lost my chance to choose when to let go of it and stain white sheets.

My body still remembers the trauma.

My ears sends panic signals when it hears a man’s voice.

My hands trigger anxiety when I shake the hands of a man.

My body still remembers the trauma.

The images in my head play louder at every family gatherings.

The rewind button of my memory is triggered every time I hear his name or meet someone with the same name as his.

My body can never forget the day its right to choose.

It can never the day its blood became water and betrayed it.

The day a so called guardian crossed boundaries of being a protector and crossed over to the side of molesters.

My body can never forget the day a little girl in hijab being raped.

It carries 20 years of pain with it. 

There are no visible scars but my body remembers. 

One day it will scream. It’s loudness will be uncontrollable, uncontainable. And, their worst fears will find the words and courage to live. I pray it will be on a charge sheet at the police station.

I pray for boundaries that will keep me, my daughters, my nieces, my sisters, and all women safe.