not in residence

A Poem

By cathryn mccarthy

a Man
painted a picture of himself
up against a tree

it was okay

it was awesome
and because he was
in Residence somewhere
How Grand
because he was
They hung it on a Wall

and it reminded me of when
i squatted in a bush
happy little crab
in my rockpool
this boy texted me
and the dead grasses
transformed from skull
white to bronze
i hate the lad now
it was good at the time

that picture
it made me think
of how we treat nature
and mistreat it
and ignore it
i think it was supposed to

but anyhow

i watched
when the poetic Ladies
with soft pancake faces
that Appreciate Art
arrived to see him piss
against his tree

their mild batter sizzled
i heard the slosh
as their gizzards leaped
and then they giggled
turned their backs
said they Adored
his Great Sense Of Humour
what a Nice Young Man
and sipped their chintzy tea

they’re thinking
not a Real Talent
nature should be Picturesque
Watercolours and Sonnets
but they’d date him
or whatever
because he’s a Somebody

my blood jumps
if those Ladies
had spied him pissing
against their tree
they’d have called
the police cried
or even whispered
for dignity’s sake

or maybe
i’m being judgy
i claw at sisterhood
between the
between Propertied
and rent
i open my mouth


i forgot
i’m the just the spout
which pours tea badly
as they buff their
ancestral cutlery
against His charm
and chomp my tongue to gristle

I realize
If Mr Pissing
had written this
about Them
those Lovely Dears
would blush with joy
they really would let
a Somebody
piss all over their tree

but they wouldn’t have me
squatting in their bush
with no penis
i’d spill their brew
they’d call a Dashing Policeman
to see to me proper

i hate that picture now
though it spoke
it taught
Ladies giggle for Nice Young Men
Art is Not for me